


Could Never Be Heaven

by ErisBaek



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes & Sam Wilson Friendship, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Feelings Realization, Hurt Steve Rogers, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mild Smut, Minor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, POV Bucky Barnes, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:01:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28539294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErisBaek/pseuds/ErisBaek
Summary: It was poetic irony that the very first mission Bucky would partake in as an honourary member of the Avengers would end in catastrophe. It was only right, that after all the time he took putting himself back together bit-by-bit, that the glue holding those pieces together would slip away. It was only fair that his world, built out of ice, would crumble around him in fire and smoke. The universe had a funny way of dishing out penance to those that were wretched, but Bucky didn’t understand why it would take away the good in the world just to achieve that feat.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Kudos: 11





	Could Never Be Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> Hi so I'm finally doing this. After being part of the Stucky fandom for a hot minute, and reading well over one hundred fics, I've decided to write my own. I plan on it being two parts - the prologue and the main story - but we will see once I progress into the main story some more, if its better suited as one big piece or chaptered.  
> I present the prologue however!
> 
> Not going to lie to you, Steve is unconscious for a good bit of the story. It's a lot of Bucky dealing with himself, feelings for Steve, and the future, and then when Steve wakes up, it's a lot of them dealing with stuff together. It will be angsty, because while I love their relationship, they have gone through so much and it's not always touched upon in fics.
> 
> If you want to talk to me about the fic on tumblr, I am @shieldwinter! I also have a Stucky fic rec that I post there.  
> Story title comes from the song Could Never Be Heaven by Brand New.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated, as I love reading them so much, and I hope you all enjoy!

It was poetic irony that the very first mission Bucky would partake in as an honourary member of the Avengers would end in catastrophe. It was only right, that after all the time he took putting himself back together bit-by-bit, that the glue holding those pieces together would slip away. It was only _fair_ that his world, built out of ice, would crumble around him in fire and smoke. The universe had a funny way of dishing out penance to those that were wretched, but Bucky didn’t understand why it would take away the good in the world just to achieve that feat.   
The rumbling under his boots was the first warning he got that something was terribly, terribly wrong. The shout from Stark that echoed both through the com in his ear, and over the sound of collapsing rubble, shot fear through his heart. It stole his breath away, and froze his limbs - a cold grip he hadn’t felt since the last time Hydra shoved him into a cryotank. 

Dust began to swirl around him, dispersing to curl over his figure, still as stone. Bucky barely felt it when bits of debris bounced off of him, some clanking against the metal of his arm. His mind scattered away from him. At some point, his gun slipped from his grip, clanking to the ground to add to the mess below his feet. He was focused on the one simple word, the name that left Tony Stark’s mouth in anguish and fear. Fear for a coworker, fear for a friend, fear for a man too great for mortals to understand.   
**_Steve_ ** _._

His chest heaved, suddenly feeling restricted behind his tac vest, as Bucky slowly turned around. The sight that greeted him was hell. He stared right into the gates of the inferno, flames a heat he barely registered on his skin. The building that once stood was nothing but a shadow of its former self, collapsed in, and breaking even still. Flames danced along the exposed wooden supports, the cement that once was the foundation sinking deeper into the ground with every moment passed.   
Steve was inside. Steve was supposed to be clearing the building while the rest of the team secured the perimeter. Steve was inside. Steve was in that rubble. Steve was under the weight of seven stories. 

Bucky’s feet moved, a tentative step forward. There was a strange ringing in his ears, and he couldn’t identify if it was from the blast that brought the building down, or if it was from the pounding of his heart. There were words whispered in the air, but he couldn’t register them. His feet moved faster, crunching blown out glass and pebbles underfoot. 

“ _Steve_ ,” he breathed out, voice lost in the smoke, choking the word right from his lungs. He didn’t know when he started running, he just knew the wreckage was getting closer and closer to him. He didn’t recognise the arm that caught him around his midsection, holding him back. Not right away, at least. His only objective was getting to Steve.   
Bucky didn’t think in missions and reports anymore, but he knew that in the grand scheme of everything, his only mission had always been Steve Rogers. 

Metal fingers curled tight around the arm restricting him, restraining him, aiming to maim and hurt, but the grip didn’t loosen, didn’t give.  
  
“Barnes,” came his name, spoken loudly, clearly, vying for his attention. It was a voice he recognised, the voice of a friend, and his grip loosened slightly.   
“Sam, I have to get to him. Let me go, _let me go_ ,” Bucky pleaded, voice desperate in a way he hadn’t heard since the helicarrier, since his confusion outweighed his desire to fight. 

But Sam didn’t. Because out of everyone there, on the team, and in the circle that surrounded Steve, Sam knew best. Sam knew of the storm that raged in Bucky’s head, and had stood strong by Steve’s side to support both of them through the worst of it. Sam understood the lengths Bucky would go through to protect the beacon that lit up his world, since he was a boy in the back alleys of Brooklyn, to the sniper up in the trees, to the once broken machine Hydra made him out to be. Sam knew that Bucky’s safety meant nothing if it meant keeping Steve from harm's way.  
But Steve was buried. And Sam was holding him back.

There was a tug at his midsection, and Bucky stumbled backwards, being pulled away.  
“You’re hurt. You’re no help to him like this,” he heard Sam say, voice matter-of-fact, but also comforting in a way that only he could manage. 

But who was going to help him if Bucky wasn’t there? He was always there to clean the scrapes, and bandage his wounds. Why should this be any different? Why should the throbbing pain in his shoulder, where something tore through the skin, be a hindrance? Steve was buried, and Bucky was just standing, cold and growing numb the more time passed. 

Sam shifted, his arm still restraining Bucky, but his attention elsewhere. Overhead, the sound of Stark’s Iron Man suit sounded, followed by the telltale clink of him landing on the cement below their feet. 

“Barnes,” Stark’s voice was directed towards him. When did he get so close?  
His mask was raised, dust smeared on a cheek, but his eyes were solely on Bucky, and it was odd. It was odd to have Tony staring at him so intently, assessing. 

“Wilson’s gonna take you back to the Quinjet, get you patched up. SHIELD is sending Search and Rescue out. We don’t have the equipment on us to dig through the rubble, but Cap’ll be fine. It’s gonna be okay. I know you haven’t seen him in action much, but he’s tougher than he looks,” he tried for reassurance in the only way Stark knew how, but Bucky didn’t easily forget the way Tony shouted Steve’s name. He doesn’t think he’ll forget it for a long while.  
  
“Megatron, did you hear me?”   
“He’s in shock, Tony.” Sam’s voice broke through again, voice sharp. “I’ll get him back to the Quinjet in one piece. Steve will have my head if I don’t. Keep me up to date on everyone’s status, in the meantime.”   
Bucky thinks he saw Stark nod, before his mask closed over his face once more, and he set towards the sky, leaving them behind.

The arm around his midsection disappeared, replaced by a hand on his bicep, tugging. “Come on,” Sam urged, and all he could do was follow. He didn’t want to fight Sam, not if there were people better equipped to help Steve on the way. He didn’t know how far he could dig with one metal, and one flesh hand. The thought stung, how useless he felt in that moment.

It would have been quicker for Sam to lift him up, and fly them to the Quinjet with his wings, but the walk felt grounding in a way. He began to register more, and more as they carried on, Sam’s warm hand never leaving his arm. It was a comfort the other man didn’t have to offer, but he did it anyway. Bucky was reminded why Steve trusted the Falcon, because he was another one of those good people. Steve seemed to be a magnet for these kinds, and Bucky was grateful.   
The ramp to the jet was already down, and Sam led him up and to a seat, a gentle nudge to his shoulder causing Bucky to sit down, the exertion from keeping himself upright suddenly overtaking him in full. He felt uneasy.

Sam’s bootsteps were heavy when he walked away, only to return in a moment with the first aid kit in hand, eyes assessing the damage to Bucky’s back that he couldn’t see, but had begun to feel.   
“Looks like some shrapnel from the building collapse got ya good,” Sam informed, placing the kit down and crouching behind Bucky to get a better look. “Your tac gear protected you from the worst of it, but you’re still pretty cut up.” 

“Didn’t even feel it,” he found himself saying in response, wincing at the first touch of an alcohol swab he didn’t notice Sam grab. There was a noncommittal hum from behind him, and he imagined Sam nodding in response.  
“Figured you didn’t,” he followed up with, moving onto another wound without preamble. “You seemed pretty out of it. Didn’t even see me come up to you.”

No, he hadn’t. He didn’t know anyone was approaching until he felt Sam grab him. He was too focused on his world falling apart before him.  
“You said it was shock,” Bucky pointed out suddenly, feeling his eyebrows knit together. In basic terms, he knew what it meant, but was that really what made him lose focus on everything else? Could it truly be narrowed down to one measly term?

There was the sound of a package being opened, and gauze was being taped over the worst wound, the one where shrapnel tore right through his right shoulder. Sam’s hand splayed over the spot, flattening down the pieces of medical tape.  
“Yeah, man,” he replied after the task was done. “That's the easiest way to put it, at least. Happens when something traumatic happens. Your body kind of goes a little haywire because you can’t process it. It’s understandable, considering what just happened. But it’s gonna be okay. Steve’s gonna be okay,” he assured, patting Bucky on the back gently before he moved away, to sit in the seat across from him.

“You sound so sure,” he pointed out, eyes tracking Sam’s movements, including the shrug and the way his lips lifted into the smallest of smiles, but Bucky caught how it didn’t reach his eyes.  
“Of course, it’s Steve,” Sam said as if that meant something special, as if that meant Steve was immune to all the hurts in the world, all the harm that could befall him. “He gets beaten up every now and again, but he always bounces back. A small part of me is pretty sure it’s because he’s too stubborn to be beat, but that’s not a bad thing. He’s the strongest person I know, and we’re on a team with the Hulk and a literal god.”

When Sam put it like that, it made Bucky think that everything would be okay. That Steve would walk from the rubble just fine, maybe with a few bumps and bruises to show for it, and he could rib Steve about it for days even when he’s pressing a cold compress to the aches.  
But still, there was a part of him that ached because it knew that Steve was still mortal. Erskine could have stabbed him with every needle he could find, but Steve was still only human. One day something will take him down, and he won’t be able to get back up, and Bucky’s heart feared that this would be it.   
He didn’t imagine the fear Stark had in his voice, and he didn't imagine the way Sam himself wasn't completely assured by his own words. 

Bucky saw his own personal hell today. Seventy years of torture, and killing had nothing on the glimpse of the world without Steve Rogers in Bucky Barnes’ life. 

  
  



End file.
